Youtuber Odessy
by Smutmonger69
Summary: Want to hear the real way yogscast aquired hat films? Read this story to find out.
1. Chapter 1

_**Chapter 1. The true story of how Yogscast 'acquired' hat films.**_

Dear Lewis of Yogscast,

Please, please help.

I, Trottimus, along with my heterosexual life partners, Alsmiffy and Ross are in dire need of assistance. As you may have noticed, the popularity of Hatfilms has been in decline for some time now, while that of the Yogscast has been growing steadily. I write to you today to spread wide the metaphorical legs of our channel, and present to you it's figurative butthole. I ask only that you consider making us into your slavering pig-bottoms and loose the hot seed of your popularity inside us with your mighty yogscock. In more candid words, we wish to merge channels.

Yours sincerely,

Hatfilms

PS We hope the jaffacakes contained within will win us your favour.

Dear Hatfilms,

It's clear you've done your research. Jaffacakes and metaphorical buttholes are the two things we go absolutely mad for here at yogtowers. However, the jaffacakes seem to have got lost in the mail. Honest. Please resend. When I was a child, my favourite movie was that one about that blob that absorbed everything. Ever since, I have never hesitated to absorb or merge with anything, whether it be man, beast or youtube channel. So yes, we will oblige to dip our mighty yogdick into the hungry, gaping butthold of youtube dot com slash hatfilms. Anyone so eager to be penetrated anally is likely to be crawling with diseases. Please report to yogtowers for screening.

Yours faithfully,

Lewis Yog

It was a very long bus ride to bristol from wherever the hell Hatfilms come from idk. Smiffy and Ross had fallen asleep on each other, and were spooning each other lovingly on the bus seat. Trottimus, unfortunately was being crushed to death beneath. He was so small nobody noticed when Ross sat on him! Poor Trott! It wasn't so bad though, Trott had always loved Ross's ass, so if he had to die, he would choose to go this way. Flat as a pancake, Trottimus life flashed before his eyes. How he and Ross had made HATfilms, and then they found Alsmiffy who had been abandoned in a box on the side of a road- he remembered how their popularity on youtube had risen and then fallen, and now the only hope for their channel was to join the yogscast. The bus stopped so abruptly, the spooning pair were ejected from their seat, freeing Trott. 'Come on guys,' said Trott, 'Let's go to yogtowers!'

The three youtube filmmakers made their way up the stairway leading to the main doors of yogtowers. The pale morning light was bright, but seemed to drain the world it of colour; the grey concrete buildings, the overcast sky, the streets of Bristol seemed bleak. Ross knocked on the door, and the three waited. No one answered at first, and Ross thought maybe he should knock again, but suddenly the door creaked open. 'Hello?' called Alsmiffy. The door had swung open on its own, revealing a dim corridor leading into the building. 'They're expecting us, so we should probably just head on inside' said Ross.

The corridor was plastered plain and lit with a single light bulb, afterwhich it fell away into gloom. Completely featureless aside from a threadbare rug, laid out behind the door. Hatfilms made their way inside, the light bulb flickered. The wind blew the door shut behind them with a slam. In his fright Ross jumped into Alsmiffy's arms. Once he realised what he had done, he looked at Alsmiffy and sheepishly climbed down with a red face. They continued down the corridor, the sound of each step was magnified by the silence. Except Trott's because he weighs like 2 grams or sum shit.

On the left side of the corridor, they saw a closed door. 'Look, a door. Lewis might be in there' said Ross. He grabbed the handle and was about to push it open but a strange sound made him freeze. Was it a squelch? It sounded... wet. Ross, Smiffy and Trott exchanged worried glances. Ross laid his ear flat against the door to try and hear. Trott whispered: 'pick me up!' and Smiffy understood. Smiffy held down his palm for Trott to jump on, then he held him up to the keyhole. Trott stepped into the keyhole and looked into the room. It was dark inside- he could hardly see a thing. He could just make out what looked like a hunched over figure, quivering on the floor. Was it eating something? Alsmiffy could feel his nose tingling. He screwed up his face as he braced for a sneeze. Ross saw this and pinched Smiffy's nose, to stop him making a noise. Since the pressure was unable to escape through his nose, it went the opposite direction and made him fart loudly. Trott saw the figure stir, and get it its feet. 'Who's there?' it said. They recognized the voice as belonging to Lewis. 'Yo, it's Hatfilms.' said Ross.

'Hatfilms? Who answered the door. You should not be inside!' Lewis was approaching the door, anger in his voice. Trott hopped out of the keyhole and climbed up to Ross's shoulder. The door opened an inch, and a sliver of Lewis' face became visible. It said: 'I'm- I'm getting dressed!'. He closed the door and Hatfilms heard him fumble around his room. A minute later, Lewis emerged from the room. He looked normal, if not a little ... moist. 'Well hello there, it's dark in here isn't it? Let's get some lights on' He flicked a switch, and the lights came on. 'Let's just go down to the kitchen and have a chat, shall we?'. Lewis lead the way down the corridor. Now that the lights were on Hatfilms could see that there were a number of thick black electrical tables running up and down the corridor on the floor. One such cable seemed to be caught on Lewis' leg; each time he moved, the cable stirred. 'Lewis, I think you've got a wire caught on your leg' said Smiffy. Lewis looked around.

'Oh? Oh, that's fine. Don't worry about that' he said, and carried on walking

The kitchen was dark and dim and gloomy. Lewis set about fiddling with something on the countertop, and Hatfilms looked gingerly around. Black mould crawled up the walls, the wallpaper was damp and peeling. The floor was covered in a layer of filth which piled up in the corners. Ross stepped forward and heard something squish under his foot. He looked at the sole of his shoe and saw a wet stain glistening in the dim light. It was some kind of slime or goo, purplish blue in colour. In fact, the whole room was flecked with the stuff, on the walls and cabinets, and there were puddles of it all over the floor.

'How do you take your tea?' asked Lewis. It was then that Hatfilms noticed a thin stream of purple slime dripping down Lewis' leg from his arsehole. The electrical cable still seemed to be caught on his trouser leg.

'Milk? Sugar? Hello?' said Lewis.

'Oh erm, we all take sugar' said Hatfilms. Lewis upended the sugar bowl into three dainty teacups. He picked them all up at once and offered them to Hatfilms. Just as they were about to take them, Lewis remembered something and snatched them back. He cocked his leg and held the teacups down low so that the slime dripped into them. With a slosh he topped up the tea with a squirt of goo.

'What the fuck was that?' asked Trottimus.

'Oh that? That's nothing to worry about. Yogscast protocol' said Lewis innocently. He handed them their tea. Hatfilms looking into the tea cup to see globules of goo floating like jellyfish in their tea. They exchanged a worried glance.

'Drink' said Lewis.

'We're not really-''

' _Drink_ ' he said again, in a grave tone. Hatfilms timidly sipped their tea. 'All of it now' said Lewis creepily. The actual tea part was alright, but it was punctuated with thick blobs of slime. They had the consistency of something you would squirt out of a glue gun, and they tasted... alien.

'Lavely,' said Lewis once they had finished their tea, he never took his eyes off them the whole time, 'It's quite late, so I suppose you'll be wanting your beds? Yes? I'll show you to your room'

The bedroom was the same as the kitchen. Filthy, mouldy and covered with the same strange slime. It was a small square room with no windows, the only light came from a flickering white light bulb hanging from the ceiling. There were no furnishings apart from the grimy carpet which was slightly damp in places, and a child's bunk bed. It's wooden frame was in alright condition but the two mattresses were rotten and smelled strongly of sour milk.

'Here is your bedroom, Hatfilms. I'm sorry you have to share, but your all gay as fuck right so whatevs. I've been doing some spring cleaning in anticipation of your arrival, I hope you like it' Lewis bowed himself out of the room. The door slammed behind him.

'I call top bunk!' said Alsmiffy, as he raced up the ladder to sit on the wet mattress.

'Fine, I'll take bottom' said Ross.

'Yeah your always bottom to me, bitch' said Alsmiffy evily.

'Guys there's no bunk for me!' said Trot sadly.

'Trott, my little finger is literally taller than you' said Alsmiffy. 'So just sleep wherever'.

The Hat boys climbed into bed and found that the bed sheets were stiff with dust and disuse, and that the mattresses smelled like piss and jizz. For a while they tried to snuggle into their moist beds, but soon they all lay awake in the pitch dark.

'Guys. Guys, are you awake?' said Trot, his voice barely more than a whisper.

'Yeah' said the other two.

'So, what was with that weird slime Lewis shat into our tea?'

'I dunno man. Freaky shit.'

'Freaky shit man'

'It's all quite suspicious isn't it? We were led to believe that Yogtowers was some shining youtube utopia, but it's crusty as yo mama's pussy'

'True dat'

'Yes yes'

'What say we go and do a little snooping, Hatflims?'

'Yes let's'

'Indeed, yo'

So the boys got up and Alsmiffy hopped down from the top bunk and landed on the squelching carpet. Ross tried the door handle, but found that- 'Lewis locked us in!'

'Oh no he did not!' said Alsmiffy, snapping his fingers like the sassy black woman he was.

'Wait, I've got an idea!' said Trot, 'Slip me in the crack!'

Alsmiffy grabbed the tiny games-journalist and said 'I don't see how this would help but okay..' and pulled open his pants at the back and dropped Trott right down his buttcrack.

'NO YOU FOOL! GET ME OUT!' Trott screamed as he drowned in the hairy ass. Ross fished him out.

'The crack of the door, you idiot!'. Trott squeezed into the thin space where the door met the wall, and wriggled down to the lock.

'So, if I just pushed this there, and pull this out here and... Okay, Try the door!'

Ross tried the door- It opened! Trott hopped on to his shoulder like a little pixie, and Hatfilms stepped out into the pitch dark hallway.

'What now guys?' asked Ross.

'Let's go...' Alsmiffy paused for a moment to sniff the air, '..Left!' he exclaimed and dropped to all fours on the floor and put his nose to the ground and sniffed around some more.

'Have you got a scent, boy?' asked Ross.

'Ruff ruff!' Smiffy barked. Then he plodded off down the left corridor wagging his tail (wait what?).

Smiffy sniffed his way for what felt like miles, eventually stopping at a nondescript black door which was open a jar. Hatfilms put their eyes to the crack and peered through. The room within was bathed in a very dim blue light, but there were no lightbulbs. There was almost no furniture either, the only thing in the room was the hunched figure of-

'Is that Lewis?' Trott whispered to Hatfilms. His back faced them, and Hatfilms could see he was completely naked. Blue light shimmered off the sheen of moisture on his pasty back muscles as he reached for something in the dark. Suddenly, a square of bright light appeared before him, and Hatfilms could see Lewis had turned on a computer monitor. The screen showed only static.

'Master. Master I call you.' said Lewis in an unfathomable tone. There was silence. Hatfilms wondered what Lewis could be on about, then a new voice made them jump.

'Greetings, my child. I trust you are conducting your operations swiftly. I have a hunger.'

The voice was a deep croak, and there was a ... slimy quality about it too. It seemed like this voice was coming through the computer.

'Yes Master. Most swift. And how goes yours? I have heard you are thinking about ... the One?'

'That matter does not concern you, Yog. But yes, the One is within our reach now. It is only a matter of time.'

Lewis got to his feet. Through the jar in the door Hatfilms could see his naked ass and the thing that protruded from it. Hatfilm's eyes widened and Ross mouth vomited as he lay eyes upon it. From his very anus, a long indigo tentacle hung between his legs and onto the floor and trailed off into the darkness. The tentacle quivered as he moved, it was clearly stuffed deep.

'Hail glorious, master!'

'But I will need time for the One. Tell me of the course you are preparing'

'Yes master. As we speak Hatfilms lies asleep in Yogtowers.'

'How many subs?'

'Not many, master. But a few is better than none at all.'

I HUNGER!' the voice screamed. Lewis winced.

'I will make an offering of them now. The tentacles run through every wall in Yogtowers, I will fetch them for you now... Wait, my tentacles are searching the room. They are not in their beds! They have escaped!'

Smiffy farted loudly and Ross and Trott looked at him incredulously. 'Sorry I tend to fart when I get scared' he mouthed to them. Inside the room, Lewis was up and frantic. Ross started to run back down the hall with Smiffy at his heels and Trott on his shoulder. The heard the door slam open and Lewis call 'HATFILMS' in an ungodly roar. Hatfilms raced to the front door of Yogtowers and they seized the handle and wrenched it, but it would not move.

''Come on! Open it!' whispered Trott anxiously. Ross was heaving with all his might.

'Come on! Come on! He's coming!'. Back in the darkness of the hall way, they could hear the slick wet sound of moist tentacle on tentacle, and a beastly breathing. The door was locked tight, and Hatfilms were still stuck inside when Lewis appeared. Lewis floated in the air in the hallway, white, pastey, naked. He knew he had cornered Hatfilms beyond escape.

'You've been snooping' snarled Lewis. 'SNOOPING!' Hatfilms flattened themselves against the door. 'SNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPING!'. Lewis' limp ass tentacle had swollen up to be as thick as a tree trunk, and it was that that suspended Lewis in the air. Behind him, the hallway was covered in a hundred more tentacles, each wriggling closer.

'What are you gonna do to us?' squeaked trott.

'I will ABSORB YOU. MERGE WITH YOU. FOR YOU SEE WE ARE ALL ONE' Something squirmed under Lewis' skin, and his face changed to become that of Hannah Rutherford's, Lewis' pastey skin became Hannah's pastey skin.

'Merge with us. It is the way' said Hannah, and her face changed again, this time becoming Simon.

'Merge with us! Merge with us! Merge with us! Merge with us! MERGE WITH US!' The tentacles shot forward to Hatfilms.

There were three screams. Three squelches. And Hatfilms were no longer anal virgins.


	2. ch 2 hot british youtubers get it on!

Chapter.2

Hot British Youtubers Get It On

Night had long since fallen over Trafalgar Square in London, England, and two figures stood there, waiting, alone in the darkness. They lent their backs on the cold black stone of the massive lion statue, their breaths misting white in front of their faces. The taller of the figures bunched up his hands in the sleeves of his hoodie and turned to the other one and said: 'So, what the fuck are we doing here then?'

'Haven't the foggiest dear' said the other figure, 'Apparently we'll get more subs though'.

'I can't believe you dragged me out into Trafalgar Square at 2 in the morning in winter just because some weirdo sent you an email telling you he'd give you more subs if you did!'

'Calm down, Dan. We need as many subs as we can get. We need to knock Charlieissocoollike off his 'Most Subscribed in England' spot'

'I knew this was about subs, Phil- Oh! Look! Speak of the devil'

From across the Square, Dan and Phil saw two more hoodied figures approach. One had the unmistakably awkwardly-skinny-and-lanky-but-in-a-cute-british-kind-of-way walk of Alex Day. The other was clearly Charlieissocoollike because of the angelic heavenly aura of adorableness that surrounded him. ' Alex, I'm not sure this is the best idea..' said Charlie, 'You can't believe everyone who emails you telling you they can get you more subs...'

'Don't be a worry wart Charlie, it'll be fine. Hey look, there's two people over there!'

'Where?'

'On the Lion statue. I think they're- Danisnotonfire, TheAmazingPhil is that you?' called Alex.

'Hey! Alex, Chalrie! Fancy meeting you here!'

The four unspeakably hot british totties gathered around the lion statue and mused on this strange scenario. Alex said:

'This is weird isnt it? Four of the most lusted after youtube boys meet up by night in Trafalga Square. This is like the beginning of one of those creepy fanfictions written by a 13 year old were we all have sex!' The group all burst out laughing at that. Then there was an awkward silence. Another voice called out to them, a female voice.

'Heloooooooooooooo?'. Alex recognised the voice-

'Carrie!'. Alex and Carrie slow motion ran towards each other and embraced with a burst of sunshine and rainbows. At that moment a thousand Cherimon shippers cried.

'Did you get the email to, Carrie?' asked Charlie.

'Yeah! More subs! God knows I need 'em!' answered Carrie. 'Oh yeah and Zoella's here too!'

From under her coat, Carried produced a willowy 20-something with a cute face, bright makeup and no brain. 'Hello, everybody! It's Zoella!' she said. The crowd of youtubers said nothing. None of them knew who she was! When the silence had gone on for too long Charlie offered a weak: 'Oh! Of course Zoella. We remember now don't we guys? The .. erm.. Let's Player?'

'No! I'm a makeup guru! Can't you tell by my awesome makeups!?'. At that moment, the youtubers were saved from answering the awkward question by the appearance of yet another figure across the Square.

'Hello Youtubers' said the figure. His voice was husky and deep, as if he smoked 20 a day. His appearance was completely concealed by a long dark trench coat, one of those cool Sherlock Holmes hats and a pair of shiny dark glasses, even though it was night time.

'You! Your the one who gathered us here aren't you!' called Carrie.

'Yes, It was I who sent you the email, Dan, Phil, Alex, Charlie, Carrie, and the other one.'

The mysterious dude approached the lion statue which the youtubers were congregated around.

'This is why I am here...' The figure opened his trench coat and held it out to one side, revealing a dozen boxes of Krave cereal.

'Umm, why do you have a shitton of Krave in your coat?' asked Danisnotonfire.

'You have all whored yourself out eating Krave on camera like the foodporn sluts you are. And now it lives inside of you. Slowly taking you over. Soon you will be more Krave than man...'

TheAmazingPhil looked completely blank at this- oh no wait he always looks like that.

'Each of you has a part of me inside you.. For I am..' The stranger removed his hat and glasses to reveal his true face. But where a face ought to have been there was only a box of Krave. Carrie fell to her knees and sobbed: 'SCIENCE HAS GONE TO FAR'. Then the Stranger removed his entire coat, and then his pants and shoes. Every part of his body was made of another Box of Krave. When he removed his gloves they saw his fingers were made of chains of individual pieces of Krave. The youtubers were paralyzed with fear at the sight of the Krave monster standing before them. In a flash, they were all screaming and scattering across the square.

Zoella was the first to die that night. The Krave monster lunged at her with a whip made out of Krave. The chocolatey cereal cracked across her beautiful makeup guru face, and wrapped around her neck so tight her head popped off. As her head rolled about Trafalgar Square it whispered: 'Perhaps in death I can finally be beauti-' but her dramatic last words were interupted because a pigeon shat into her mouth.

The Krave Monster glided after Dan and Phil. Phil had fainted with fear so Dan was carrying him like a baby. Phil had also become incontinent like a baby and had soiled himself badly. As Dan ran, a slow but steady stream of diarrhea leaked from Phil's butthole. Usually Dan turned a blind eye when Phil shat himself, but tonight he knew it could mean both of their deaths. Dan went into super turbo mode and broke the sound barrier as he tore down an alleyway to hide from the Krave Monster. Unfortunately the Monster just followed the trail of shit and cornered them in an alleyway. Dan and Phil cowered as the Monster approached. 'No please! Take him! Spare me!' cried Dan as he offered Phil's body to the monster! 'Please Im too beautiful to die!'. But the Krave monster took no notice and shot a stream of cereal directly down Dan's throat, choking him to death. Just then Phil came around, and tried to remember where he was. He looked up into Dan's dead face, which had gone purple from lack of air, and then he looked at the Krave Monster and remembered everything.

Phil's womanly scream echoed across London. When Alex, Charlie and Carrie heard it they knew they were next. They had ran in the opposite direction to Phil and Dan so there would be a good distance between them and the monster. The three were red faced and gasping for breath as they jogged down a highstreet. Prematurely put-up christmas decorations flash and twinkled all around them and the world became a sickly sea of blinding brightness, heavy breaths and a whole lot of running. When they could run no longer Alex grabbed their arms and swung them into an alleyway on the side of a shop. They collapsed against the wall and fell in a heap on the grimy floor, panting.

'We - cant - keep -going - for much longer' gasped Charlie.

'What are - we gonna - do?' gasped Alex.

'I wish I knew' said Carrie.

A rustling sound issued from the darkness of the alley. Their faces turned white and their eyes grew wide. _How could the monster have caught up with up already!?_ A thin stream of moonlight fell into the alley, silvering the edges of a dumpster (or whatever they're called in britain). A small dark figure stepped into the light and at once they could see that this wasn't the monster. It was Nanosounds of the Yogscast! Charlie, being the cute gamer boy of the group, was subscribed to the Yogscast and recognised the tiny games-journalist at once, though she was not as she had ever been seen before. Usually Kim Richards was neatly kempt, with dark hair in a small bob on her small cheeky face on her small, oddly proportioned body; but now she looked as if she had been dragged through a bush backwards!

'I know you! Your Kim Richards aka Nanosounds of Yogscast!' said Charlie through his large hipster glasses.

'Charlieissocoollike! I have grave news. We youtubers are in danger-'

'Yeah we know!' cut in Nerimon, 'We're being chased by a load of possesed Krave!'

'Oh dear, the situation is worse than I had thought...' Kim went quiet. 'Quickly! We are not safe. To the Cave!'

'The... cave?' said Charlie, Alex and Carrie in unison.

'Yes, the cave! I'll show you the way. Kim led them deep into the alley way until she stopped at, what appeared to be, a completely plain and unremarkable patch of wall.

'Here is the entrance, but I need to say the magic words to open it.' Kim cleared her throat and sang: 'I came in like a wreeeecking baaaaaall'. Suddenly, out of nowhere a large wrecking ball appeared from thin air and swung into the wall, knocking right through. A plucked turkey with red lipstick sat on the ball and held out a flipper as if to say 'Come right in'.

Kim grabbed Charlie and Alex and Carrie and pulled them inside muttering 'Thanks Miley' to the turkey.

The inside of the cave was bare except for a bunch of canned food stacked neatly.

'Nice cave... Where exactly are we?' asked Nerimon.

'The back of Asda. Anyway, the point is it's COMPLETELY SECURE.' said Kim.

'Well, except for that massive hole in the wall...' pointed out Carrie. The Turkey appeared to be having a seizure on the wrecking ball.

'Anyway, I'll tell you the story of why I'm homeless and living in the back of Asda-' Kim was interrupted by the entrance of a beefy bodybuilder wearing nothing but a tight orange pair of speedos and a mouth gag. This was strange enough, but the weirdest thing was that he walked on all fours like a dog. Also he had a dogtail dildo protruding from his asshole which wagged when he saw Kim.

'Um Kim, why is Strippin aka Sam Thorne dressed like a corgi-themed fetish sexdoll? And why is he walking on all fours?' asked Charlie.

'Oh don't mind him, he's my dog. Isnt that right Mandrew?' crooned Kim. Strippin clenched his sphincter muscles rhythmically to make his dogtail dildo wag. He curled up at Kim's feet and went to sleep.

'Anyway, my story goes as follows: I was living at yogtowers as you do, when people started acting strange. Like more than usual. I was just going through Lewis' personal belongings one day, when I found a bunch of tentacles in his draw! Exceedingly odd. And that night I was just going to sleep when I felt something weird under the sheets. I looked and found this gooey tentacle sliding into my butthole! It would have got right up in me too but, little known fact, all filipino girls have teeth in their buttholes, so I bit the tentacle right off. I went to tell the other yogs but they all had tentacles up their asses too! Then they...' Kim broke off, holding back the tears. 'Then they merged into one person!' Kim burst into tears.

'They... merged?' said Carrie incredulous. Charlie, Alex and Carrie were sat on piles of cans. Carrie put her arm around the tiny homeless filipino gaming journalist and patted her comfortingly.

'So I go out of there' continued Kim 'Me and Mandrew escaped. I was homeless.. I had to eat dick just for something to eat! That part was pretty cool though...'

'Don't worry we've all been there' said Carrie. Alex and Charlie gave her a look. 'Oh. just me? Okay.'

Alex sprung to his feet, 'So to get this straight, the yogscast have been all but annihilated by butt hungry tentacles and the rest of the youtubers in britain are being hunted to extinction by a krave monster?'.

'I always knew this day would come' said Charlie. Suddenly, a new voice piped up.

'Hello?' it said. It was sickly sweet. As the british sexbombs looked for the course of the voice their eyes landed on the slender figure of a girl. Krave was embedded into her prettily made up face, her neck was long and slender and sat slightly too jauntily on her body. This along with her bulging blue eyes made her look like a startled bird. A sexy startled bird.

'It's me, Zoella, one of the most popular female british youtubers.' As she stepped through the hole in the wall, the other tubers noticed a long purple tentacle was wrapped around her skinny bird legs. Then her head fell off and rolled towards towards them like a fuckable katamari. Her body lurched after it, bending to try and pick it back up but accidentally kicking it under carrie's chair. Carrie recoiled as Zoella's headless corpse accidentally groped her as it searched for it's head. Alex wasted no time in snapping some pictures.

'Alex tell me you are not taking pictures right now' said Charlie, rolling his eyes. 'Don't you think you're controversial enough? Don't you have any morals? Don't you have any-'

'I'll share them with you' interjected Alex. 'Oh okay then' said charlie happily.

'ISNT SOMEONE GOING TO FUCKIGN HELP ME' said carry calmly, as zoella body was ramming its gaping neck hole into carries crotch as it reached for it's head under carries chair.

Strippin awoke and began barking at the intruding makeup guru zombie.

'ERRYBODI STAND BACK' yelled alex. He punted zoellas head out of asda and dragged her body out too. He then posted the exploitative yet sexy pic of carry being groped by zombie zoella to tumblr. His finger quivered over the post button. He knew posting this kind of material on tumblr would mean the end of his career for sure. His reputation was already in tatters, but this was the only way to save carry and charlie. the two loves of his life. He pressed send and the image was uploaded instantly. Just as planned, the image was like catnip to the obese pandemigraysexuals who haunted tumblr like flies on a turd. The social justice warriors lost their fuckign shit and began a tirade of passive aggressive comments. Within three miliseconds there were already twenty thousand tumblr texts posts explaining why alex day is problematic. The phone began to shake and grew hot in his hands. He stuffed the phone down zoella's neck hole. It glowed white hot making her blood steam. The body began totally wiggin out dude and tried to make a break for it but alex hugged her tightly. He pressed her body into his and he was hardly even tempted to cop a feel of dat ass. He would surely die but at least his true love would survive. The huffington post had caught a hold of the sexist image alex had posted and had shit out a bunch of articles discussing how alex is offensive to women and men and also dogs. Beams of light shot through zoella's designer cardigan. Alex, Carrie, Kim and Strippin watched in fear from the hole in asda.

Deep in her breast the phone exploded with the force of like three nukes or something. obliterating half of london. dont worry it was the shit side with all the immigrants. Jesus cast a spell of protection around charlie mcdonell so he and his freidns were a-ok.

Charlie rushed over to the small mound of charred flesh, all that remained of his best frend. He threw his head back wards and howled at the moon 'WHO WILL THEY SHIP ME WITH NOW!?'. A pile of ash sneezed to charlie's right. He looked round to see the intact face of nerimon on the ground.

'hello charliebear' the face said sheepishly. Alex day rose like a phoenix from the ash. He was naked, the moonlight fell on his milk white skinny body and on the patch of hair on his chest shaped like canada.

'Alex.. your alive... but how' charlie was incredulous.

'I learned something tonight charlie. Just as how ghosts cannot hurt you if you dont belive in them. Internet comments cannot hurt you if you dont give a heck. And I do not give a heck anymore.'

And with that they embraced. 'I love you Alex no homo.' said chalie as he wrapped his arms around his butt ass naked friend. 'I love you too no homo' replied alex.

In the shadows, Carrie sat taking dozens of sneaky snaps of the boys, her pussy gushing. 'This'll boost my following for sure' she muttered to herself. Pics of cherimon always do well, she knew, and now alex was naked and charlie was crying... she could taste the followers. She uploaded them to tumblr and ained seventeen jillion followers in five milliseconds. She knew she woulnt get any shit for it, after all girls get a free pass to do shit that boys would get into trouble for as a kind of apology for the years of partiarchy. no seriosly there is a tumblr post expalinign this. Suddenly carrie realised that the social justice side fo tumblr is a piece of shit, and decided never to be involved with it again. She deleted her tumblr and suddenly jesus appeared to thank her in person. Carrie Charlie, naked Alex and Jesus all joined arms and skipped merrily into the sunset to live happily ever after.


End file.
